Saturday, March 31, 2012

DLLS


Or let me mumble and interrupt myself read it to you:


Video by SurlyGurly A.K.A. HLP

Friday, March 30, 2012

SHOUT OUT:

To Miss Lisa who is Mrs. Escobedo today.
May your lives be filled with smooches and snuggles.
Love you both!




Words & Sounds


"What are you holding on to?"

He looks up at her as though waking from a dream happening in another life.

"What?"  His mind clears and he finally sees her, wet eyelashes and rosy cheeks.

"Just let go."

"I'm sorry, I just..."  He gets up and walks out to the water's edge.  The small waves are dancing at his toes while he watches the seagulls soar over the surf.  The wet sand under his feet brings him peace.

She walks up next to him and he brings her in close; a kiss in her hair, and a heavy sigh are all the response he has left.  They stand there and try to enjoy the sunset, but the darkness looms about them as the light is slowly swallowed by the horizon.


P.S. Imma go cry in the dark and cut myself, brb.

Fiction Friday: My novice attempts at fiction writing, don't judge!  Feedback is appreciated.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Skittles Vodka Recipe



Official llPause Skittles Vodka Recipe (cuz I noticed I never actually told you what I did):
*This recipe makes a huge batch of the stuff for sharesies. 

Gather:
Vodka - 4 bottles in the 1.75 liter size (cheap stuff, it's gonna taste like skittles anyway)
1 container in 1.75ish liter size OR 5, 16 oz containers
3, 1 pound bags of skittles (or if you have a club card, 1, 3 pound bag)
Patience, all of it

Separate the skittles by color;

Pour out 1/4ish of each vodka bottle into extra container;
Dump each color into each container of vodka;
OR
Dump each color into 16 oz containers;
Pour vodka over skittles leaving room for shaking;

Let skittles soak and dissolve for 1 week/Shake frequently to avoid coagulation;
Pour finished concoction through cheese cloth (the tighter the weave the better) to remove wax and other such processed nonsense they put in skittles;
SHENANIGANZ!
Store leftovers in air tight containers (mason jar, holla!).


P.S. Another option for the skittles container/bottles of vodka conundrum, you can get 5, 1.75 liter bottles, pour out a portion of each into a jar to keep for other cocktail experiments and dump the skittles in those.  The point is, you need a ton of vodka and room for shaking; make it work.

P.P.S. If you don't want to make so much, make sure you keep a general ratio of 1 part skittles to 2 parts vodka or else your vodka won't be skittley delicious enough.

P.P.P.S. If you don't have the patience for separating all the skittles, mixing all the flavors together in the vodka is also delicious (like a handful of skittles in your mouth-hole), but looks like stomach bile.  You've been warned.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

DLLS Taste

WARNING: Contains Drunken F Bombs

Video by SurlyGurly A.K.A. HLP


Ex Pizza Face

Even though I'm a pizza face from way back, the concept of skin toner has always confused me. "So I have to rub this drying alcohol perfume concoction on my face, then put perfumed chemically lotion to re-hydrate it? No thanks."  So when I stumbled upon a recipe for DIY skin toner that didn't include alcohol or perfume, I decided to try it.  Obviously, it’s environmentally friendly, all natural with no harsh chemicals, and it’s much less expensive than store-bought toner because you make it yourself from Apple Cider Vinegar and water.  I took it upon myself to toss in a few drops of oregano oil for good measure (more on oregano oil in another post).

Pffshyeahright, Totes Rebecca's Photo

As seen on Design Mom:
[Rebecca’s Instructions on How to Use Apple Cider Vinegar in Place of Your Regular Toner:

1. It has to be the raw ACV, with the mother. side note: I hate the phrase “with the mother.” It sounds like a dirty joke that ends in “ya motha.”
2. Bragg ACV is a reputable brand and can be found at most any grocery, vitamin, or health store.
3. It should be noted that a 16oz bottle of ACV costs around $3. Toner making jackpot!
4. Find an empty travel size container to make your toner. Sephora makes great little pump bottles that work perfectly.
5. Dilute the ACV to 3 parts water, 1 part ACV.
6. The exact ratio will vary according to your skin type. Dry skin? Use more water. Oil making machine? Use more ACV. You’ll find the right balance after a few weeks.
7. Use it as you would regular toner. Once or twice daily.
8. The heinous vinegar smell goes away once it soaks into your skin.

As with any beauty product, be patient. I’ve been on a strict ACV regimen for over 6 months now and I’ve noticed that my skin has become more normal. Not too dry, not too oily. Over time, it has even faded those annoying red blobs left over long after the zit has gone.

One last thing: Did you know that most drug store toners are just made of alcohol and perfume? Tis true.]

I used an empty hand soap bottle with a pump if you don't want to purchase a toner bottle. I am getting used to the "heinous vinegar smell", but it is absolutely repugnant.  The oregano oil cuts some of the smell, but it's rotting apples in vinegar... so yeah.  

When I first started using this, I hadn't adopted my new clean innards lifestyle, so my results aren't completely tainted.  It really does work.  I noticed a small difference in the splotchiness of my T-Zone after the first use.  The oil and craters were significantly less after the first week.  My clogged pores are smaller and less clogged. My skin now has an overall brighter appearance.  I can't tell you which results are from the eating and which from the toner or if they're helping each other out, but the improvements I noticed in the first week outweigh the enormity of the stench.


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

iPeed?

This weekend was a scheduling disaster that worked out in the end.  YAAY for flexibility!  When everyone mentions this or that is happening toward the end of March, you should start jotting them down!

I got to spend some quality time with my HLP, which was much needed and wildly entertaining, as always.  Even the clerk at Albertsons noticed our two quarters of brain were meant to be one half.  Green skittles vodka floated on champagne and orange skittles vodka mixed with creme soda are dangerously delicious.  ...drunken love letters coming soon.

The three of us also managed to babysit my adorable niece for the weekend.  Despite the difficult battle with the car seat (which fits beautifully in the Fiat regardless of its diminutive stature), another shameful victory over the pack-n-play, and forgetting the beginning of Monster's Inc. can be quite frightening for a two-year-old (Tia Fail), she had quite a good time and remained unscathed.  FTW!

Dutifully remaining entertained with Barbie at Uncle's softball game, 
heedless of wind and rain... and which team to root for.

What a little bundle of laughs and snuggles she is!  She was only reduced to tears twice, and both were completely my fault.  The second event was when I said it was time for nums and she wanted a tangerine she saw instead of what we had prepared for dinner.  She's coping with some dehydration and fruit isn't the answer to diarrhea, so I told her she'd have to eat her dinner first and you'd think I told her she'd never see her mommy again.  The poor thing just melted into a puddle of utter disbelief and distress, quietly weeping on the floor (thank goodness for that, she's a weeper not a screamer... yet).  After comforting her for a moment, then enticing her to eat dinner by taking a few bites myself, she came around.  Phew.

The first episode was because the HLP and I were leaving her with Uncle Vince while we ran out for quick pedicures.  She wasn't upset because we were leaving her or that she would be left with Vince, but that she wasn't coming with us.  When we returned, the report from Uncle Vince was that she started crying and he tried to console her; she refused his hugs, walked over to her pack-n-play bed, and asked to be put in.  Once he placed her in the bed she commanded "Baby" and he brought it to her.  Once she settled in she firmly told him "Bye" and pointed to the door.  He left, closing the door, and she calmed down and went to sleep.  I cried a little myself I laughed so hard. 

Sunday she woke and was unleashed to the living room for playing before breakfast was prepared.  She kept pointing to a spot on the play blanket and saying "I peed"... or something similar because she wasn't wet, nor was the spot on the floor.  I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about and was tempted to call one of her caretakers to see if I could get a translation.  It wasn't a huge deal to her, but every once in a while she would say it again.  Later that afternoon she was playing in our closet and saw our iPad on the charger next to the bed.  She ran over to it, excitedly pointing and squealing "IPEED! IPEED!".  Duh, she wanted to play on the iPad and she was pointing to the place on the floor where we set it down for her the night before *facepalm*.  

We definitely need to steal her away for weekend stays more often!


Monday, March 26, 2012

Life Guard on Duty

Now that I'm out of the closet with my infatuation with SNL, it seems to be a running theme in my posts.  Awesome?

This sketch is one of my most favorite of all time.  Sister and I were obsessed with Ace Ventura, and 90s Jim Carrey could do no wrong.



I like to think it inspired me to become a Knight of the Life Guard.  Raging Waters guards hold themselves in esteem, but really, this sketch captures the day to day of it nicely.  I think back on that job and how fun it was to hold that kind of power, at least in my head, *sigh* good times.

I did "save" a few people... the lady that didn't know which way was up after being flushed down Vortex, the two children no taller than my hip that some asshat sent down Speed Slides in jeans (totes fired), the little girl who fell out of the tube on Neptune's Fury... memories.

The lady that didn't know which way was up... that's a fun story on its own.  The demon slide know as Vortex simulates, whether intentionally or not, being flushed down a giant toilet.  I had special permission to avoid riding down on my rotation (something we were all required to do on every rotation, even on cold days) due to my motion sensitivity.  I enjoy the ride, but it's dizzying effect left me unable to perform my job sufficiently.  It is common to guard the bottom of that ride and watch people flail around for several seconds before they get their bearings and we were trained to give them a sec before bombarding them with our Baywatch zeal (they have a couple secs to spare, 10/20!!).

Enter: Lady

Some take longer than others, but I immediately knew this one wasn't going to correct itself and jumped in.  She was flailing so violently that I almost went down with her... but then I remembered it's 3 feet deep, so I stood up.  I was holding her in my arms, cradling her and trying to get her feet to touch the bottom so she could feel that she was upright.  She was still flailing in little baby bird flaps and holding her breath with her eyes jammed shut as though the current would rip them from her head.

They don't train you on what to do when someone doesn't realized they're being rescued (unless they're belligerently drunk) and she didn't appear to be suffering a seizure or convulsion of some sort; this was textbook survival mode flailing... so I did my best and tried to reassure her with my words while still trying to get her feet on the floor; "I've got you." "You're above water now, you can breathe." "I'm right here, open your eyes!" "BREATHE FOR GOD SAKES!! BREATHE!!"  I was just starting to panic when like flipping a switch, her feet touched the bottom, she stopped flailing, opened her eyes, stood up, gave me the strangest dirty look I've ever seen, and stalked off without a word.  I stood there a moment, befuddled, and looked up at the other guard for some answer.  He just shrugged and prepped the next guest for flushing.  Did I miss something?  She's wasn't deaf, her husband was calling to her to hurry up...  in English...

It's still a mystery to this day.



Saturday, March 24, 2012

The Hunger Games

I have already seen The Lady in Black, so my only option was The Hunger Games... which. was. AMAZEBALLZ!!!  Sorry book club, you knew I wouldn't be able to wait.  Still going with you though.

Actually, before I get into THG, can I just mention how over-hyped 3D is?  My eyes effing hurt after any 3D movie experience and I can't even tell the difference after 10 minutes.  That being said, the ETX experience at AMC (*select theaters) is off the chizzain.  Absolutely worth every extra penny.  The sound penetrates your every cell and fills you to the brim with the movie, yet it's not overwhelming or detracting from the movie at all.  BONUS, it's so loud, you can't hear anyone's rude noises.  The 3D I could do without, but if you're going to pay extra, they better throw it in.  Now!  All they need to do is toss that sound in the IMAX theater and they'd be in like Flynn.  I highly recommend going for the ETX at least once... but not for some RomCom silliness, obvz.

SPOILER ALERT!  Seriously, if you haven't seen it, avert thine eyes.

Now, THG!

Lenny Kravits knocked it out of the park!  Though, I wasn't thrilled by the interaction with Cinna's "assistants", or lack thereof, as compared to the book.  That whole aspect of the stylist's assistants gushing over this girl who is a hot mess with so much potential and all that.  It was a nice respite from the horror of it all in the book, and I could have used a few lovingly snide remarks about nose hair in the movie as well.

Stanley Tucci, I die.

Elizabeth Banks, nailed it!

Woody Harrelson, I knew from the moment they selected him it would be magical.  They omitted Katnis' hatred of him calling her Sweetheart, which makes it more amusing when he calls her that, but I'll let that one slide.

I loved the ease of the romance between Peeta and Katnis in the movie... of course.  Though, the book went into more detail about Peeta actually loving her.  As far as the movie goes, I don't think the audience is sure what's going on with that.  We'll see where they take it in the next movie.

I dry heaved when they opened a scene with a close up on the gnarly fish they were dining on, vom!

I loved how they stuck as close to the book as they did, and cut out the unimportant parts.  Her struggling for several days with dehydration and the greater severity of Peeta's wound would have been really boring.

I didn't much care for the costuming.  There were a few shining moments, but overall it wasn't as futuristic glamor as I imagined from the book's descriptions.  Especially Effie's makeup; that left a lot to be desired. 

Rue *sniffle*

Overall, it was a great rendition of the book and Hubby enjoyed it, so it was easy enough to follow for those who hadn't read it.  I never had the urge to lean over and explain something to him, like I usually do in these book to movie experiences.  Having gone through the awfulness of Twilight probably helped me enjoy this movie more, but I stand by my excitement over the success of this movie... especially the remarkable casting.


Friday, March 23, 2012

The Woman in Black

With the last dregs of dreary weather upon us, may I make a movie suggestion?


I have a strong dislike for scary movies.  It's probably a psychological control issue that I should see someone about, but fear has never been something I relish swathing myself in.  Hubby LOVES horror flicks and all manner of gore and ghoul.  The deal is, I go to Hostel and the Saw movies (what, are we on, elebenty million now?), he comes with me to Harry Potter and The Hunger Games (SOEXCITED!)... even though he's come around and geeks out too... I'll admit, I enjoyed the ending of Hostel II (yougogurlmmhm).

Needless to say, when our favorites collided with my Beloved Daniel Radcliff and Hubby's wet-your-pants-ghost-thriller, we had to make a date of it.

Despite having to cover my eyes through a good 10 minute chunk toward the end, it wasn't one of the more scary movies I've seen.  It's all in that damned music!

The story they told was so beautifully moving and refreshingly different; It brought me to tears.  Just thinking about it now is making me a little verklempt.


Talk amongst yourselves.  
I'll give you a topic: Fandango is neither a fan nor a dango, discuss.


There, I feel better.

In closing, I strongly recommend viewing The Woman in Black this weekend while everyone is clamoring over The Hunger Games.  Let's be honest, it's worth waiting a week to avoid the lines, screaming, and flashing of photos when Peeta comes on screen (*sigh* Peeta).  How bout some quality time with Harry instead?

Homnomnom

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Clean Sheets

" ...incense, and lots of fluffy pillows... now soiled.  ...and where's my cigarette?!?"

S.T.P. fans out there?

I have always been a neat and tidy person.  I don't always have the time to scrub every nook and cranny, but cleaning my room was/is never a chore... more of a hobby.

Some of you out there obsess over vacuum lines, others get a high from beautifully folded underwear, or maybe it's the way searing hot water evaporates from a freshly scoured dish *shudder of pleasure*.  For me, it's all about the clean sheets.

Crisp linens on a fabreezed bed with the spring air gently dancing through the curtains after a luxurious bath...


That is my peace, my sanctuary, my mostfavoritestthingever!

Spring is my favorite time of year and basking in a freshly spring-cleaned home is my favorite activity.  What's yours?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Just hear me out.

Disclaimer now, or later? How about now?

I don't get paid for saying anything on the interwebs (it's probably the crassity and swearing; I know).  I do these "reviews" out of my obsessive need to make your life as awesome as mine is in the hopes that you return the favor.  Maybe someday someone will see the value in my words and give me compensation, but that day is not today.

*clears throat*

Anywhooo:  Wen


This shit is amazing.  The things it does to my head and hair make me blind with adoration. The product happens to be created by the lovable Chaz Dean of Flipping Out fame (TEAM ZOILA!), and of course, it's "all natural".

It's not shampoo; it's cleansing conditioner.  The gut reaction to that is "that's not going to clean my hair/head".  I had that thought too.  Then there's "my hair will be greasy and limp all the time".  I'm right there with you... but those statements are incorrect.  My hair has never been so alive!  The clean feeling isn't a squeaky-just-scoured clean; it's a cleansed-of-all-ickies clean.  My naturally oily scalp is now hydrated, blemish free (don't act like you've never had a zit on your scalp), buildup free, and waaaaay less oily.  My colored hair is shiny, bouncy, and split end free.  When I get my roots touched up, she doesn't have to pull the color through to my ends anymore.  When I curl my hair, it actually holds it for more than 20 minutes because there's elasticity again. My frizzy wavy hair is frizz free and softer than a baby's.  Seriously, come touch it.

The longer you leave it in and the more you use it, the better your hair gets.  So feel free to cleanse your hair as often as you'd like.  No more pony tails half the week!  There's no soap involved, so no bubbles.  You just massage it into your scalp, drag some through the ends, and let it sit while you take your shower.  Once your hair is butter, you rinse it out thoroughly and BAM, gorgeous.

BONUS: When you consider the cost of purchasing shampoo AND conditioner (because you have to strip your hair with harsh soaps and chemicals and then try and fix it? what?) compared to one bottle of cleansing conditioner, a light bulb is likely to turn on (I never understood "a light bulb go off"... that's a rant for another post).

The only teeny tiny caveat to the awesomeness, knocking it from a 100% winning to a 99.99%, is their website/infomercial ordering B.S. complete with mandatory auto-renewal and phone labyrinth of customer service nightmare.  HOWEVER, that is only an issue for those who don't know that Google is also a verb.  Available on Amazon, hassle free.  The prices vary depending on the scent you get (which makes almost no difference; your hair is just going to smell nice, nothing specific).  I just get whichever is cheapest and I don't bother with the styling products, though I hear great things.

Again, I must warn you, do NOT buy it on their website or from the infomercial.  There are entire websites dedicated to those who purchased it that way and their nightmare experience.  Anything and everything you see on TV can be purchased elsewhere to avoid these issues, especially items with built in renewal programs.  I have no idea why ordering through infomercials still exists; they're all awful.

Otherwise, frolic in your reborn hair and soak up the compliments.  You're welcome.


P.S. To further emphasize the explicit instructions to go anywhere else for purchase, I only linked the photo to their website for you to read more about the product.  DO NOT order it there. 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Monday, March 19, 2012

BzzzZZZZzzZZZZbbzzZZZZz



Hi there.

Don't mind me, I've just been buzzing around on all this extra nutrition powered energy.  When I get into work now, I'm not dragging ass like the zombie I usually am, dying for a cup of coffee.

IN FACT, I'm so energized, the coffee I do get around to drinking feels like too much energy.  Believe it or not, I actually enjoy the flavor of coffee and drink it out of pleasure as well as necessity... a freak, I know.

Maybe I should quit drinking it... Nah.


Sunday, March 18, 2012

Life is like a box of chocolates...

...you never know what you're gonna get.

These blogger stats never cease to amaze.  This morning I checked my traffic sources and found my number one source to be a google image search for the terms "holy burrito" leading them to this wonderful piece of art that I created in photoshop:


As of this post, this image is the first thing that comes up in a google image search for "holy burrito".  
Which means:


I'm nothing, if not humble.


Friday, March 16, 2012

SHOUT OUT:

To my co-comedy junkie Brett.  His robust comedy knowledge is being put to good use by a comedy blog where he's written his first two reviews for the interwebs.  Keep your peepers prepped for more of his insightful breakdowns of new stand-up.


Stefon

He finally gets his kiss:



One of the more hilarious appearances for Stefon.  The call back for SPICY had me in tears.

Someone told me the reason Bill can't keep a straight face through most of the bit is because the writer re-writes the material after rehearsals, so he's reading the jokes for the first time... and they're pretty damn funny.  SNL is not even as amazing as it once was, but it has it's shining moments.

I'm a huge SNL fan.  My dad would tape them (yes, as in VHS) and then edit the tapes full of the good sketches.  Most of those tapes were watched so many times they wore out.  From Men's Synchronized Swimming, Gumby, Mr. Bill, Candygram Land SharkDeep Thoughts with Jack Handy, Coffee Talk, The Continental, Sprockets, Safari Planet, Cowbell, Barry Gibb Talk Show, Debbie Downer, Celebrity Jeopardy (Turd Ferguson anyone?), of course Weekend Update, and Stefon (I want a subway sleeping bag!)... to name a few.  Really though, I could go on and on for days.


Thursday, March 15, 2012

Batmanuel?

"It's happening in the city of Taubaté, in Brazil: 50-year-old military veteran and Batman impersonator Andre Luiz Pinheiro has been recruited by local police to help fight crime.

According to Brazilian site OVale, officials of Taubaté have hired the man to combat crimes such as "murder and drug trafficking", by patrolling crime-ridden neighborhoods dressed up as the caped crusader, in some sort of public relations function, in the hope that his presence will inspire others to help clean up the neighborhoods, and keep them safe."
...?

He's real!



Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Interweb Television

You guys,

It's not a secret, your precious shows are floating on the interwebs and/or up in the clouds for you to snag and enjoy... FOR FREE! or a nominal monthly fee.

This stuff isn't stealing (though, there's that too).  It's what the big strike was all about a few years ago.  The networks are offering the shows on the interwebz and the people who make them wanted their slice of the cheezeburger.

Point is, there is almost no reason to have/pay for cable TV anymore.  There are devices and services out there so that you only pay for what you want to watch OR you can watch your favorite shows for free.  Not just on your computer either.  Devices like Roku, Boxee, apple/google TV, etc. are bringing the internet to your TV if your TV doesn't already have it.

There are websites out there with instructions on how to do be rid of cable in whatever capacity suits your needs.

Hubby and I officially cut the cord last night.  We did our research on our favorite shows.  We got a Boxee and a Hulu subscription to see what it would be like.  We decided Boxee was too much going on and got a Roku instead.  We discussed internet options and compared prices... and we're saving $100 a month now (including the divided cost of the devices and subscriptions... FiOS is a bitch and a half). 

The future is knocking; do you know where your pants are?


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Kony 2012

Wouldn't it be nice if we could make a positive difference (that matters... no, like really matters) in the world with viral videos and facebook status updates?  The question buzzing around about this Kony 2012 campaign is "To what end?"

Causing an uproar to nowhere? 
Exploiting impressionable tweens and teens by breaking their hearts and asking them to post on facebook and wear a bracelet?
Trying to use the internet for good and possibly changing the world?
Getting people to care about something?  Then what?
A plot for fame?
Spreading misinformation and paranoia creating superfluous anxiety and frustration?

The questions go beyond the specific purpose of this campaign.  It would be nice if we could stop this man.  Though not likely to happen, it IS nice to dream.  What's happening here has bigger implications.




Can we all agree?  On what?



Update:
Jon Stewart always gets to the root of the problem ;)

Monday, March 12, 2012

brRAAAAAAIINnns

Who else feels like a zombie that lost an hour this weekend?

I felt drunk getting ready this morning, no joke.  I stumbled around the bed and into the shower where I leaned against the wall to keep from falling over/feeling dizzy.  My body definitely wasn't ready to be awake yet.

We took the Fiat to Ikea this weekend.  Hubby was a nay-sayer the entire time, until I deftly maneuvered (and muscle for rank, fuel burning fast on an empty tank... *ahem* CAKE!) the long shelf up onto the dashboard between the seats, "like a glove".

As you know, we spent Saturday evening with The Cousins.  The three of them watched as I stood and enjoyed a sunset with the waves lapping at my toes.  I was craving some salty air and they were willing to oblige, but not willing to let their feet be subjected to the chilly water.  From there, we went to the new Slater's 50/50 in Huntington Beach which is SO much nicer than the original.  It's like staying at the Ritz after a night at Holiday Inn Express.  Yeah, the Holiday Inn was a place to rest your head that didn't have too many bugs in it, but the Ritz is an experience.  I enjoyed some Stiegl (you already know how to pronounce it) on tap and a weak veggie patty instead of a 50% ground beef, 50% ground bacon patty doused in "Vampire Dip" brought to Mount Olympus by Doves.  Their veggie patty is the worst I have encountered yet.  I will go sans patty next time and savor the avocado mash and other whole veggies upon their perfectly toasted, thick cut rye bread.

Saturday morning/early afternoon was spent observing Pilates for credit.  4 hours down, only 21 to go, lol.

How was your weekend?

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Tap, Tap, Tri-Seat

The tri-seat, seen in Matryoshka I.R.L. is one of the coveted spots on the new Metrolink cars.  Of course, average people coming and going on our lovely rail system have no idea how the commuter mind works and rarely follow the sacred rules of the train commute.  So you can't always count on the tri-seat-fecta.

The unspoken rule pertaining to the tri-seat is this:


A.K.A:


I see this all the time, and it's such a waste of awesome leg room and free space it boggles the mind:

Trust me, there are many other fail combinations, but this one hurts the most.  Another common one is where two people are clearly together chatting away and have their bags on the free seat, like so:

And then, some dingleberry will come along and want to sit where their bags are... usually interrupting a conversation they're having to get them to move the bags and always making awkward personal space violations to get situated in that cramped seat.  Really?

The only caviat to this and all other sacred commuter rules comes in with Rule Number One, the golden commuter rule that all train patrons must sign their acknowledgement before boarding (or they should anyway): If the train is crowded/full, your shit doesn't get its own seat, PERIOD.  The ONLY way around that rule is if you can provide proof of fare for your shit, thereby proving you're the king of the asshats you paid for the two seats you are taking up, which is totally shitballscrazy respectable and encouraged if you're traveling with a ton of stuff/luggage.

It's a dog eat dog world on the train/bus/shuttle; use your noggin.


Saturday, March 10, 2012

DLLS

Not cold medicine this time for realzzzz. Cousins and Slater's 50/50 but the veggie burger is not as amazing as the 50/50 just sayin'. Schtegllll (sp!?) is dangerous... Delicious. Hubby made the car a dutch oven,  natch, yaaaay. Cousin hubby locked the windows! S. O. S.
I'm on my phone that predicts what I want to say so the spelling and such are still pretty reasonable. This is basically just a drunken version of what I usually post. Cheating. You guys are so awesome.

xox Laura Leane

Friday, March 9, 2012

Sucker Punch Dreams

To save the world from themselves, the girls take on the evils of the microwaved burger patties.

Sweet Pea, Rocket, Baby Doll, Blondie, and Amber locate the target and act quickly.  There're 12 seconds to spare.

Baby Doll: "Come on, it's about to ding!"

Rocket: "WAIT!! Baby be careful!"

Sweet Pea: "Someone's coming; Blondie, cover Baby Doll!"

Baby Doll opens the microwave door without bothering to hit stop.  When it's life or death, there's no time for "better safe than sorry".  She goes to grab the mutilated entree, but hesitates.

"This plate is scalding hot; someone get me a towel."

Blondie: "Here you go Baby."

She gets the plate out of the microwave and dumps the burger into Rocket's waiting satchel.

Rocket: "You're sure this will work?"

Sweet Pea: "It has to work. COME ON!"

They run for the door.  Just as she starts to turn to make sure they've all made it out, Sweet Pea sees him.  He's running toward them with the empty plate, ready to hurl it as soon as he gets close enough.

"Shit."

She slams the door and takes off running for the van, but he's quickly through the door and on her heels.  He hurls the plate at her head, but Rocket has reached the car and sees what's going on. She pulls the trigger.  The bullet shatters the plate on its way to his shoulder.  He tumbles to the ground and clutches his wound.

They've made it.  No one was supposed to get hurt, but at least no one died today... more importantly, no one ate a microwaved burger patty.


This is the dream that lingered in my head when my alarm went off this morning.  This whole plants lifestyle change is starting to effect my subconscious too.

Fiction Friday: My novice attempts at fiction writing, don't judge!  Feedback is appreciated.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Changing the World

Found in my Stats, under Traffic Sources/Search Keywords:


That person found llPause and learned something... hopefully. 


'swhat we're all about.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Matryoshka I.R.L.

Spotted on the train:


That sweater has some sweet detail you can't see in this ever-so-covertly-taken photo.

The best part?  Aside from her awesome makeup/hair/outfit?  That white iPhone 4s that she's got?  When we reached L.A. and had to disembark, she took the phone, put it inside of a fresh rubber glove that she pulled out of a box inside her purse (powder free of course), and stashed the gloved phone in her suede boot, unzipping the boot, tucking it in against her leg, and zipping the boot back up.  She seemed like a nice lady.